Unexpectedly watching an ex-FWB succeed at a sex club - and cheering him on

Last night I was at the sex club and I ran into one of my ex-FWB’s (still considered a friend, but we don’t play together anymore).  I noticed something pretty cool, yet unique… I was actually rooting for his success with other people.  I didn’t feel jealous, I didn’t feel sad at all… in fact I ended up giving him advice that helped him succeed sexually when he was otherwise having a challenge.  The friend in me loved that moment and my heart felt full.

I walked away from the experience noticing something pretty stark. I wouldn’t feel the same way for another (specific) ex-FWB even though we also don’t play together anymore. I simply wouldn’t want to see him there again. It would bother me, haunt me even.  The psychologist and anthropologist in me wanted to examine this stark contrast. Why such a different gut reaction? (I ponder)

I’m happy to learn I don’t have a “hard and fast” reaction to ex-FWBs. It is person and experience specific.  A lot about the disintegration of a sexual connection will matter later on if a friendship is going to survive. Meaning… it matters when there is betrayal.  And it matters when there isn’t.

I was comforted seeing my friend go up to the fourth floor (private room at Oasis) with the couple he was on a date with. I actually cheered him on and wished him the best sex of his life… and it felt good.

I’m optimistic about my ability to navigate this swinger world… feelings and all.  It’s all about respect and trust. Turns out you can not be a match with someone sexually anymore and still be friends.  And it feels good. It’s not just a fairytale of the swinger lifestyle this “compersion” stuff. It just matters how they treated you when it mattered.

I look forward to many exciting friend moments at the club in the future :)

TorontoUnicorn

May 18, 2022