It’s already too late

As I manage the grief and heartbreak associated with yet another lost love in my life I have come to rely on Reddit for emotional support. I read about other peoples break ups and I empathize with their pain.

I see a lot of people freshly dumped who have so much hope that their ex will realize the error of their ways and return to them.  That's a majority of the posts on the various "break up", "ex no contact", "heartbreak" threads I follow. It's a lot of people in emotional anxiety who hope and pray that their pain will end if/when their ex returns to them.

One post recently stood out to me because the woman said that her ex did indeed come back but that it was "too late".  Now I don't know about you but I didn't think hope/love expired after a certain amount of time apart.  The woman admitted that if her ex had come back months earlier she would have been relieved and would have reinvested into the relationship.  So why then, do you ask, was it too late when her ex did finally return?

It was too late because she didn't want him anymore.  It was too late because she saw with a sober heart the actual value of the relationship instead of relying on her old fantasized version of what it was.  It was too late because she learned to thrive alone and thus didn't need "him" to come stop the pain of separation anymore.  It was too late because he could no longer make her happy.

It really made me think.  In my own relationships there are usually cases where I'll consider getting back with an ex.  I mean most of my boyfriends I've had at least twice (meaning we broke up at least once in the middle). But then there are the exes that you just know their time is up in your life.  You just know they have broken something that cannot be fixed or repaired.  You just know that you can't be happy with them anymore. You just know there is no going back. You just know. 

And that's when I realized how much I do now understand that woman's Reddit post about her ex coming back "too late"… it's not about time, it's about whether there is still value in the relationship, whether there is still a pathway to happiness for everyone involved… and yes, sometimes it can be too late. Sometimes it already is.

With genuine love and light,

Sarah (also known as Toronto Unicorn)

Written Oct 6, 2024