Is it a good reason, or the real reason?
They are not always the same
In polite society people get away with using “good reasons” to explain themselves and their actions/inactions, instead of the more honest "real reasons".
For instance, if I’m at a social event and I want to leave early I usually would give a good reason for why I’m leaving, such as having to work early the next morning or that I'm not feeling well, even though the real reason is that I have social anxiety and need to go home to feel safe or that I have a booty call lined up and that takes priority.
When you call in sick for work you usually give a good reason such as having the flu or dealing with a family emergency, when in fact the real reason could be that you are mentally burnt out and want a self care day and to sleep in.
Why did your boss give you a 5% raise? A good reason is that your performance evaluation showed you are a good worker and they want to reward your effort. A real reason is that without giving employees fair pay for their work that company risks losing you and would incur higher costs replacing you. In this case and in many cases, both “reasons” may be true but you are most likely going to get a good reason that makes the person look better and not the real reason.
Good reasons are easy to come by. Some may be white lies, some may be partially true, but seldom are they the real reason. It's important to keep that in mind the next time someone declines a dinner invitation, bypasses you for a promotion, or even breaks up with you… it's pointless negotiating with someone's "good reasons" excuses as they will just come back with another one, and another one, and so on.
We could all save a lot of time, effort, and energy if we stop negotiating with surface-level explanations or "good reasons" people give us to explain themselves and recognize that most people are not being entirely forthcoming. It's not even usually personal, it's more about people masking with socially acceptable "excuses" so they don't feel bad disappointing people, to avoid trouble/questions/scrutiny, and frankly to make them look better.
So be polite, accept their "good reasons" (for the most part) and let people do what they wanna do, because they are going to do that anyways.
TorontoUnicorn
Journal post: "Is it a good reason or the real reason"?” Read out loud by TorontoUnicorn on YouTube
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After someone starts living their best life and stops giving a fuck what society or others think of their choices it’s almost like a light comes on (or gets brighter) behind their eyes. They feel alive again from the inside out. They get their “sparkle” back and it radiates off them in an energetic glow.