Is there equality in polyamory between men and women?
I’ve noticed a personally alarming phenomenon during my tip-toe experience into polyamory… one that makes me question it’s suitability for my life.
I’m very open minded about sex and I actually do enjoy hearing from my play partners tell me about their other sexual escapades… in detail actually. LTR’s are different for me and I tend to lean more monogamish for those types of serious relationships.
During my tour of polyamory with a lovely gentleman I met virtually (of all places) I noticed a basic psychological unfairness on one aspect: sharing of details of your other partners.
Sharing of other sexual experiences with other people can “land” differently for men than women… I’ve seen it with my own eyes on more than a few occasions. For us ladies, I’ve felt internally/externally pressured to want to hear all about the inner workings of the other dynamics my romantic interest/play partner is involved with. To smile and grin as you hear about all the other quality time and romantic gestures they do for each other. Perhaps it’s just me… but I’d rather “us” time be for, and about, “us” mostly.
I’ve noticed twice now, with two very different men, that as soon as they heard that I had another man’s cock in my pussy they lost sexual interest in me. Two times recently this happened to me. Just like that. As soon as the words were out of my mouth or typed on the screen.
Now… lets get out our fairness measuring tape out and see… is it fair to ask/expect women to hear and absorb in all the various details the man shares but then when the tables are turned that same woman is personally DISADVANTAGED by telling the man about her own experiences? It doesn’t seem equitable to me. It doesn’t seem close to equitable.
By disadvantaged I mean: Girl tells guy about other cock in pussy, guy loses interest in girl, thus girl is disadvantaged by telling guy.
Perhaps this is based in men’s evolutionary adapted traits and it is out of their control. (With some notable exceptions for sure…I do indeed know at least one lol). If that is the case… It is in my disadvantage to tell a man I’m interested in that i’m fucking other men. Fine… I can accept that. What is unacceptable to my logical brain is why then I would accept hearing all the details about a partners other partners when it also can make me feel “bad feelings”? It doesn’t make me feel particularly good all of the time and now it isn’t even going to be reciprocal? I’m just not sure that is compatible with me. So either I craft my own version of polyamory (an option…) or I partake knowing I am disadvantaged sexually if I share. I may be submissive in sex (now)… but I’m not submissive in polyamory.
Sigh… lol… I just want to be happy for my play partners and I want them to be happy for me. However we get back to that… is where I want to stay.
~TorontoUnicorn
